On Earth Standard Date December 10, 2002 the annual presentation of the Nobel Peace Prize was held in Oslo, Norway. Although the planet is not one metric iota closer to actually achieving total peace, presenters saw no reason why they shouldn't continue to shower accolades on those who say they have worked hardest toward this elusive goal, Rich White Men. This year ex-US President Jimmy Carter accepted the prize for his efforts in a mid 1970's peace agreement.

Rich White Men, or "Whiteys" as some humans here refer to them, have, after all, maintained an iron grip on the Earth's natural resources, political entities and wealth for an astonishing 8,000 years of recorded Human history all in an effort to stamp out war. Using what they call "Threat Management" they have tried to minimize conflict by denying other groups' access to the materials necessary to wage protracted war, such as food and shelter. Many galactic

In an effort to avoid war, Earth is expected to attack it's own Moon at any time.

historians say that with such a long history of Threat Management it's surprising that Whitey only conceived of the idea for a self-congratulatory award in the last two centuries.

"We were tired of continually receiving an ongoing barrage of negative accolades such as, Warmonger, Enslaver of the World, Global Woman Abuser, and Dissent Crushers. I think we all know what kind of things the Underlings used to call us. After a while, we were growing tired of this constant harangue," says Nobel Foundation spokesperson Flip Sorrenstram. So around 1890 Whitey Alfred Nobel developed the idea of the Nobel Prizes. Nobel invented dynamite in the 19th Century and hoped that it would make war obsolete in his time. When it did the exact opposite, made war easier, deadlier and more profitable for victors, he apparently began to feel some pangs of guilt and decided to neutralize them with a series of prizes for intellectual achievements, to be funded by his huge cache of dynamite profits.

"The award was originally given for being an all-around good Rich White guy," says Sorrenstram. "It was not until after World War I that US President Wilson usurped the original meaning of the award, proclaiming it a 'Peace Prize'. Since then, we've got all these peace freaks lining up around the global block to get a crummy award that, quite frankly, is just another empty pile of money and a tin Medal. It's a shame because it was supposed to be about being Rich and White, not Peace."

This year's recipient is no exception to this downward trend. Jimmy Carter drafted a peace agreement between two poor nations in Earth Year 1974, and later built a few homes for poor people in his own country, though not entirely free homes, of course. Even though the actions he is being rewarded for occurred 28 years ago, there is no denying that he is Rich and White and therefore eligible for this honor.

"Thanks to Wilson, we now have to evaluate nominees with an eye to actually doing good things, not just merely talking it," quipped Sorrenstram, "This makes it much harder for us. Where we were once able to just pick one nice guy and honor him, now we have to find a Rich White Guy who has actually done a few good things. This gets harder and harder for us every year."

One solution to this problem has been what some earthlings refer to as Affirmative Action, a diversionary tactic in which the Prize is occasionally given to some token party that is sometimes not Rich or not White, or in a very rare instance, neither. But, viewed over it's history, the Prize has remained safely in the clutches of Whitey.

One Underling commented, "We don't care so much about Whitey hoarding the Prize, we'd just like to stop being shot at so much. That and a hot meal would be nice. And a place to live. And medicine."

As for the yearly Prize presentation event, Sorrenstram says it is always very successful, garnering much international press.

"Thank God Robert Oppenheimer never felt the same kind of guilt," says Sorrenstram, "or we might have had to compete with his foundation, you know, like the Oscars do with Golden Globes."