The Christmas tree has been taken down. The New Year's hangover has worn away. People are back to work. Inches of snow have been dumped across the country. The winter doldrums have arrived to bring a wasteland of shitty movies into your local theater.

Everything has come to a screeching halt.

Despite it being a new year with the potential that something might go right in the world, or at least that things will stop getting worse, it has become apparent that, well, things are still pretty damn sucky.

"Man, I thought I could start over in the new year, but I went back to work last week and realized my job still sucks and I'm still a loser without a love to call my own," exclaimed Jason Brooks, entry level accountant.

Only a couple of weeks into the new year and things have already turned towards a sucky pattern. Using Hollywood as an indicator one should notice that the new films released so far this year, including White Noise and Elektra, with their spooky and thrilling premises respectively, are so completely awful that morons are paying big bucks to see them.

"First the Tsunami disaster then another Marvel film, Elektra, is released soon after. Coincidence?" asked humanitarian and movie watcher, James Cummings from his spot in line for the May release of Revenge of the Sith which he admits will probably suck.

While some people are starting to become cynical about the new year,

An uninspired remake starring an inexperienced actress is about all you have to look forward to this year, experts say.

others like Veronica Scott appear more optimistic: "I promised myself I'd start dieting on January first and I'm doing well -- if you consider eating ten powdered donuts instead of ten chocolate donuts a day an improvement. Baby steps, I guess."

Adding to the bleakness of the new year is the announcement by hot couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston that they're calling it quits after almost five years of blissful marriage.

"If anyone could've made it, it could've been those kids," laments Brooks. "Oh wait, maybe this is a good thing. This allows for the slim possibility that an Aniston sex tape will surface! That's the kind of suck this sucky year could use."

The next couple of months don't look to get any brighter. In another desperate look toward Tinsel Town it can be seen that nothing interesting is coming out in movie theaters for a while unless you want to see Vin Diesel play a nanny a la Hulk Hogan in the Pacifier or see some crappy horror flicks like The Amityville Horror and Ring Two.

"There's nothing remotely interesting coming out until June when Lindsay Lohan shows off her bezungas in Herbie: Fully Loaded. That's gonna be awesome," said noted Barely Legal subscription holder, John Stamos.

The days and months between now and then will be full of suckiness including a plethora of self-indulgent award shows, unnecessary reality programs and more of Paris Hilton posing.

No matter what happens, time will continue to pass reminding us all how far we have not come in the past few years.

"I miss the good ol' days. I can't believe 1985 was like twenty years ago--back when it was cool to like 80's music. Remember that? Back when I was a respected rock star with the appearance of talent," stated Simon Lebon of 1980's sucktastic supergroup Duran Duran.

Despite the cynicism of the new year, life continues to move forward into unknown territory. Brooks summed up the American people's current morale with this comment: "What is there to look forward to? More of God having fun with nature? Another year of President Bush smirking and guffawing? My ten year high school reunion? That I'm a 28 year-old-bald man who keeps getting rejected by that girl in Mergers and Acquisitions who simply won't love me? Happy Fucking New Year everyone!"

Brooks then went out and tried to buy a gun but became even more frustrated when he discovered there was a five day waiting period to purchase the weapon.

Yes, 2005 is poised to become another unfulfilling year.